Your Inner Dialogue Shapes Your Story and Your Impact on the World

The way you speak to yourself shapes your life and, in turn, how you show up in the world. Your inner dialogue is powerful, not just for you, but for those around you. The way you treat yourself impacts the people you meet and the way they perceive the world.

As women, we often fear sharing the voice inside us. We hide it from the world, even from those we care about. When we see someone else struggling, we want to fix them, make them feel better. Why? Because it reflects what we are unwilling to confront inside ourselves. We try to offer help and support to others, but often, it comes from a place of trauma, a place of unhealed wounds. When we don’t address those wounds, when we don’t heal, it can hurt the other person, too. Fixing someone else doesn’t heal you—it only perpetuates the cycle of avoidance.

I know this from my own experience. For so long, I was broken inside and didn’t even realize it. I was so good at hiding my pain, at pretending everything was okay. And in that space, I saw everyone else as broken too. I watched them struggle, and I’d tell myself, “One day, they’ll crack open just like I did.” I couldn’t see the truth, that I was part of the problem, that my fear of healing kept me stuck in this endless cycle of pain.

In 2018, I had had enough of my own suffering. I came face to face with the fact that I was treating myself terribly. I wasn’t allowing anyone else to hurt me—I was doing it to myself. And that was hard to admit. It was painful to realize that I was responsible for the pain I felt and that I was letting others treat me poorly, because I had taught them to do so.

Letting go of my best friend was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made. I thought he was my anchor, but in reality, I had been clinging to a broken relationship. For three years, I held on, hoping it would get better. I couldn’t ignore it anymore: I wasn’t being treated with respect, and that reflected how I wasn’t treating myself.

The decision to walk away wasn’t easy. It took me over four months to make that choice, to finally admit that I feared being alone. I feared facing the truth that I wasn’t loved, that I wasn’t enough. But when I said goodbye, it was like air rushing back into my lungs.

I cried for four months straight. And through those tears, I saw the truth: the words didn’t match the actions. His promises didn’t line up with how he treated me. And it had taken me so long to see that.

I stood up for myself by calling him out on his behavior. When he reacted defensively, I knew I had to say no. If he wanted a relationship with me, I needed him to work on himself, to seek help for his trauma, to get emotionally stable. I realized that my emotional chaos was tied to his, and I had to say no to both of them. I had to give it up to the universe, because my actions impact the world—and there are women who look up to me. I didn’t want to be the woman I was at 27 anymore.

At that age, I was lost. I wanted to be accepted for who I was, but I wasn’t. I was so afraid to speak up, to stand for myself. I wanted someone in my life who would tell me the truth, even when it was hard. I wanted someone who wasn’t afraid to challenge me and help me see the things I was too scared to confront.

That’s the kind of woman I’ve become.

I’m the one who challenges you to step up, to face the things you’ve been hiding. I’m the one who isn’t afraid to call you out on the things that keep you stuck. It’s uncomfortable, it’s raw, but it’s the only way to grow. And I know it because I’ve been there.

When my best friend told me he needed space, that he couldn’t handle my truth, it broke me. But I knew it was the right thing. I knew I had to let go of relationships that didn’t serve me. I had to stop holding on to something that wasn’t real.

Today, I am proud of who I’ve become. I’ve learned how to take ownership of my life, to take responsibility for my choices. I’ve learned that the people I surround myself with must be people who choose me, who respect me, who are willing to grow alongside me.

When I look back at 27-year-old me, I wish I had had someone like the woman I’ve become—someone who would speak the truth, someone who wouldn’t be afraid to call me out on my lies. I lived a life full of lies because I didn’t know who I was. I was afraid of facing my pain, afraid to face my truth. I chose to stay in the dark, but that darkness almost destroyed me.

It wasn’t until 2018 that I finally started to awaken. I thought I had no way out. My pain consumed me. I cried every day, feeling lost and alone. But when I shared this with a friend, she said something that woke me up: “That’s the easiest way out, and I’ll never forgive you for it.” Her words shook me to my core.

I was stuck in my pain, trapped in a cycle of self-doubt and fear. I couldn’t see a way forward. I was alone in my own life, disconnected from who I was and what I wanted.

Letting go of the past, of relationships that didn’t serve me, was my way of taking control. I chose to surround myself with people who chose me, who saw me for who I really am. Because life is a mirror, and everything that happens to us is a reflection of the choices we make.

And I choose to show up as the woman I needed when I was 27.

Let me help you unlock the confidence you’re afraid to claim. It’s already inside you. You just need someone to help you break through those barriers.

I’m here to help. Send me an email below or write “CONQUER” below, and together, we’ll unlock the confidence and transformation you deserve. This is your moment.

Love & Conquer, Tanja Andersen 🌻