You’re Not Lost – You’ve Just Forgotten Who You Are

It’s wild to think that I once believed I had lost the connection to what my heart was truly created to bring into this world.

I reconnected with it again when I was hit hard by anxiety and was on medication from 2012 to 2013. In the most challenging times of our lives, our purpose is still alive. The fire for our purpose never truly goes out.

In 2018, I made the decision to end my life. I could not carry the pain anymore. I did not want to live that life. I gave up. I let go of life, and in that moment, I only had myself in my thoughts. I was self-absorbed. I stood face to face with an identity I never wanted to look at, and I could not run away.

I remember sitting in my car, thinking about causing an accident. That was my plan. I wanted to take my own life, without taking anyone else down with me, without causing the same pain I felt when my father took his life.
The truth is, I would have given that same pain to the people I love the most.

Out of desperation, I made a different choice. I sold everything I had and decided to travel back into the jungle.

My purpose was never gone. It was buried under a life that was not mine. It was buried under objects that filled my days and relationships that fed my mind with poison.

Fast forward. It has now been six years since my last suicidal thought.

I had to rebuild myself. There were pieces of me I needed to face. I needed to feel rejection. I needed to feel my own love when I felt alone. I needed to be chosen out of programs and by people I wanted to belong with. I needed to experience the last toxic relationship. The last toxic job. I needed to learn to say no and create healthy boundaries with my family.

I needed to let go of saving everyone else just because I was finally feeling okay.

I needed to choose myself. Fully. Even if it looked selfish.

Because every time I chose myself last, I hurt myself.

I needed to bring myself into everything. To stay connected to my heart.

I needed to allow myself to be fragile, to feel my purpose again.

And today, I am deeply connected to my purpose, Wildlife Footprints Movement.

My way of healing my younger self. Creating the life I knew I was meant to live as a young woman.

I needed to use my voice. To reconnect with why I chose to become self-employed in the first place.

There is meaning in everything in life, no matter how painful it is. Everything is a mirror reflecting us back to ourselves. Nothing in this world is truly about others. Everything is part of our greatest gift.

I created Wildlife Footprints to give my past a voice. To create a healthy relationship with life, animals, nature, and community, now and in the future.

What I want to invite you to take with you from this is:

No matter how lost you feel, you are not lost.
You are reconnecting with your greater purpose.
It has never left you.
You may just have stopped choosing yourself first.

Thank you for being here and reading this, my beautiful dandelion.

Like a dandelion, no matter where you are in the world, you will rise through the cracks. You will grow in any environment. You carry light within you, like the yellow of the sun, warming you with love.

LIVE. LOVE. CONQUER.

Tanja Andersen